LIFE, MARRIAGE & FAMILY: Right Order in the Domestic Church
By Mark Griffin, Director of the Life, Marriage & Family Office
The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches us that, ‘The family is the original cell of social life’ (CCC, 2207). As we see the world crumbling around us into self-centredness and indifference to neighbours, we would do well to consider that what is happening in society is a direct reflection of what is happening within so many families around the world.
The family home should be a space where each individual member is unconditionally loved, valued and respected. It should be a place where “members learn to care and take responsibility for the young, the old, the sick, the handicapped, and the poor” (CCC, 2208).
For a family to thrive, there needs to be an understanding of the roles and duties of each of the members.
Parents need to provide for their family a stable environment, built on a foundation of love for God and for each other. Without this foundation, everything else will fall. Parents need to acknowledge that their children are children of God and, out of obedience to God, must be directed in the ways of the faith, with instruction in following God’s laws.
A phrase that I heard many times when growing up was that “Children should be seen and not heard”. Of course, a modern interpretation of this is that children and their noise are bothersome. However, what if we turned this understanding on its head?
It could alternatively be interpreted as saying that children are so precious to us that we desire their undivided attention. Not to pontificate over them, but because they deserve our best example and teaching.
We can then equip them with truth and the wisdom of those who are older and wiser, who would direct their paths in ways of love, gleaned from years of experience and the teachings passed on through the generations.
Children are increasingly misled today by the idea that they must speak out and stand up for their rights. They are bombarded with so many confusing ideologies, all in the name of ‘freedom of choice’
However, this is the responsibility and duty of their parents. A child has not had the training or experience to discern their needs and should never be left alone to stand up for themselves in this way, doing the parents’ job for them. When these roles are rightly ordered, it allows a child the freedom to grow in paths of virtue under their parents’ direction, without unnecessary burdens.
Children have an obligation, made clear by the fourth commandment, to honour their parents. While they are living under their parents’ roof, they must always obey them in all that they ask, when it is for the good of the child or the family. As they grow, this respect should remain and they should always be willing to be at service of their parents’ needs.
The scriptures teach us to “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov 22:6). When this education is undertaken with a focus on love of God and conformity to His laws, our families will once again thrive and will have a positive influence on the wider society.