Samuel Matusek Testimonial

“I grew up in a Catholic family. We went to Mass every Sunday, prayed together every now and again.

I always saw God as far off and distant, and the idea of having a relationship with Him was impossible. I just always remember having this loneliness in my life, as if there was something missing from my life. Growing up, I started looking for happiness in other ways.

Going out and drinking was a big thing. Yet the more I did it, the more empty I seemed to become … to the point where I literally felt as if God had completely abandoned me.

The biggest turning point was when I went to a retreat and the Archbishop was giving blessings to invoke the Holy Spirit, and I was quite keen to go home because I was quite heavily involved in the Church, and I had to be up early the next morning to serve at Mass.

I remember the thought coming into my head, ‘My soul’s damned anyway, so you never know – a blessing might just save me.’ As I was receiving my blessing, my knees started to shake. It wasn’t until I opened my eyes that I realised I had tears streaming down my face.

I think the reason God was able to work in that moment was because, basically, I had nothing left. My ‘you never know’ was enough of an open door for God to actually to come in.

I went back to the pews and knelt down to pray and I was suddenly overcome by this love. This love I didn’t even think could be possible. It felt as if I was being hugged by God. Yet, at the same time, I was standing underneath a waterfall and He was pouring His love out upon me. I just burst into tears, because I felt so undeserving of this love. As I’m sitting there in the pew sobbing away, this little voice comes in the back of my mind, “Go to Confession.”

I thought to myself, “There is no way I’m going to Confession. There’s no way I’m going to tell a priest what I spent the last 12 years doing.” I remember that, and then the voice came again, “Go to Confession.” Between this voice and this love I’d experienced, I just felt compelled.

As I was walking away from that Confession, I felt these chains, which were my sins which had wrapped themselves around my heart, basically just crumble away. For the first time in my life, I felt completely free.

Since then, life isn’t easier, but life is more joyful. Life has meaning and purpose now.

On a practical level? One big thing: regular confessions. I usually try and go no more than a couple of weeks without going to Confession. So it’s regular confessions, daily prayer, Mass as often as possible, adoration as often as possible.

I now have hope I never had before. I have this assurance that my life is actually for something.”