YOUTH MATTERS: Isabel’s Lesson

By Sam Clear, Director of the Office of Youth Evangelisation

We all have unique sets of skills and characteristics, and often our jobs, or even our relationships, have been acquired or formed because of those precise skills, passions, or personal characteristics.

I’m not the way I am because I have a degree in Mechanical Engineering – it’s the other way around – I studied engineering because I already thought that way.

What, though, if a certain work or personal situation requires a set of skills or a way of looking at it that isn’t natural for us?

In our society, if something happens that we don’t like, we can react within good measure and if people don’t like the way we reacted we can hold them to account that they need to accept me for who I am.

That approach didn’t work so well as I walked through South and Central America fifteen years ago.

On a number of occasions I reacted to situations only to find myself escalating the problem to the point where weapons were drawn.

It was a difficult lesson to learn to choose how I react, not just act. Essentially, to choose love.

In my nineteen years of youth ministry work the most pivotal lesson came from a young woman named Isabel.

It was her first day on the job as a full-time volunteer for twelve months. Isabel wanted to get to know her fellow volunteers and convinced everyone to do a Myers-Briggs personality test over the lunch break.

They all enjoyed it and shared quite openly about ‘who they are’. I was reluctant, but did it to keep the peace and was surprised with how accurate the results were (for those interested, I’m an INFJ).

Isabel looked at my results and with caution asked, “Is that really you?”

“Yes,” I replied.

She lamented, “I’m scared that you’re my manager.”

“What? What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well,” she said, “If I came to you with an idea for a youth group, would you do it?”

I had no idea where Isabel was going with this, but responded, “If it’s a good idea, yes, if it’s a bad idea, no.”

She conceded, “That’s what I thought you’d say.”

“Hang on!” I sat back in my chair, “What do you mean? What would you do?”

Isabel smiled, “The person is more important than the idea, so if it’s a bad idea, I’d help them to make it a good idea.”

This was revolutionary for me; the person in front of me is more important than the idea, or even whether or not I like them.

As St Thomas Aquinas said, “Love takes up where knowledge leaves off.”